Enigma Fiver
by Aussie-mel
Summary: Enigma Revisited


**Title**: Enigma Fiver  
**Author**: Aussie Mel and Mrs Dr. Daniel Jackson  
**Email**: Aussie Mel and Mrs Dr. DJ Humour, Rip off of Enigma  
**Season**: season one

**Spoilers**: Enigma.  
**Pairing**: Sam/Narim Slight  
**Rating**: PG-13+  
**Warnings**: None

**Summary**: The events of Enigma Revisited.  
**Disclaimer**: We do not own Stargate or any of the characters they belong to the show. This is just for fun, so don't sue us. Also Borrowed Lyrics from these songs 1– I'm Dreaming of a white Christmas. 2- Its Raining Men By Geri Halliwell. 3- Oops I did It Again by Brittany Spears. 4- What's New Pussy Cat By Tom Jones 5- I'm Free By the Rolling Stones. 6- She Bangs by Ricky Martin.

On planet P3X-7763

Jack – (sung) "I'm dreaming of a black Christmas"

Daniel – "Riiight….. You do know this isn't snow don't you Jack?"

Jack – "Of course"

Sam – "I don't think these are Santa's Elves either."

Teal'c – "O'Neill, this life form is still alive"

Tollan – "No I'm not."

Teal'c – "Indeed. You are."

Tollan – "No, I'm not!"

Teal'c – "Indeed. You…"

Sam – (Interrupts) "Sir, there's more over here!"

Jack - (Sung) "It's Raining men..."

Teal'c – "O'Neill you will cease and desist immediately, or I will be forced to take action."

Jack – "Okeley dokely"

Daniel – "And here. Hey it's like hide and go seek! Right, now I'll count to 100 and you guys…"

Jack – "Ah Daniel… you remember Mr Ash Spewing Volcano don't you?"

Daniel – "Oh, right! So let's get these people through the gate before we become characters in "Pompeii II: The tale of the Tollans!"

Jack – "What the he…."

Daniel – "Never mind."

Jack – "Hey, ET phone home!"

Daniel – "Hey, at least I'm not singing in this episode!"

Jack – "You obviously didn't get the memo Re: script changes!"

Daniel – (sung) "Oops I did it again… Dammit!"

Back at the SGC

Jack – (sung) "Talk to me, tell me your name!"

Daniel – "Please, please, don't start that again!"

Jack – "Right! well…um… (sung) what's new pussy cat?"

Sam – "Colonel!"

Teal'c - (powering up zat) "You have been warned O'Neill"

Jack – "Ok, alright already. I won't sing anymore. Gaah! Damn writers! You got a name pal?"

Omoc – My name is Omoc, you fool! Let me go!

Jack – Omoc! That's a pretty name!"

General Hammond - "Do you know the Goa'uld?"

Jack – "Yeah, you know those glowing eyed people?"

Omoc – "Yes we know them and we don't care! Let me go home!"

Jack – "No!" (Pokes his tongue out)

Omoc – "You have no authority over me, you are nothing but primitives now let me go home!"

Sam – "Alright, no!"

Omoc – "Nor do you woman! Let me go home!"

Sam- "Woman? No one calls me woman!"

Jack – "Uh-oh! Now you're in for it!"

Daniel - "Yep, you're screwed!"

Teal'c – "Indeed"

Sam - (powers up zat and fires at Omoc)

Omoc- (once the zat blast has worn off) "Is that the best you can do?"

Sam- "Nope! That's child's play. I just thought I'd go easy on you, first offence 'n all"

Omoc – "Let me go you worthless cretins"

Daniel – "How about, no?"

Omoc – "Nerd alert! Let me go ho…"

Jack -(interrupts) "Hey! I'm the only one who's allowed to call him that"

Daniel – "What?"

Jack – "What?"

Omak - "LET ME GO!"

Teal'c – "NO!"

Omoc – "Actually I'm a little sleepy now!"

Sam – "So I want you to meet my friend. I named him after a boring old famous guy from history**_."_**

Narim – "Not Fluffy?"

Sam – "Uh no, his name's Schrödinger."

Narim – " Nice name!"

Sam – "I thought you had never seen a cat before."

Narim – "Well I didn't want to say anything, but I am more of a dog person! Oh, and you are an angel."

Sam – "Say what now?"

Tuplo – "Hidy ho neighbourinos"

Omoc – "Nice hat. Who is this guy?"

Jack – "This is your new buddy. You guys are going to stay at his joint for a while!"

Tuplo – "You will love it! We have a divine lighting scheme!"

Omoc – "I don't care how good the lighting scheme is i do not associate with geeks"

Tuplo – "I'm no geek"

Omoc – "In that hat. Yes you are"

Daniel – "Um, actually the script says that later you and I have a poignant moment on the surface where…"

Omak – "Ok, ok, Fine, but it doesn't mean I have to like your kind."

Daniel – "C'mon! I'm way cooler than that guy! I'm not wearing a stupid hat!"

Mrs D – "Not to mention how exceptionally sexy he is!"

Jack – "Exactly! Wait a minute…"

Teal'c – "O'Neill have you been withholding information from us?"

Jack – "No! This isn't a slash story and even if it was I certainly wouldn't tell you. Don't ask don't tell and all that."

Omoc – "Um, hello! Over here I'm supposed to be criticising your existence here!"

Mrs D – "Sorry! My fault! ;) mmm…"

Aussie Mel – "Yeah, Now back to your regularly scheduled insanity"

Sam – "Have I missed anything?"

General Hammond – "SG-1 I have some bad news."

Sam – "We have to get rid of the Tollan?"

General Hammond – "Ah, no, we actually have a visitor!"

Jack – "Damn!"

Harry Mayborne – "Honey! I'm home!"

Jack – "Oh crap!"

Teal'c – "Indeed!"

Harry Mayborne – "General I have been sent here to make you see sense and hand over the Tollan."

Jack – "No, you've been sent here to be a pain in my arse!"

Daniel – "Same thing apparently!"

Mayborne – "Hey, don't blame me! I'm here on the presidents orders."

Jack – "Another one of his major stuff ups."

Daniel – "Yeah and I voted for him"

Sam – "Well he just lost my vote"

Harry Mayborne – "Hand over the Tollan"

Jack – "No"

Harry Mayborne – "Yes"

Jack – "No"

Harry Mayborne – "Yes"

General Hammond – "Colonel!"

Jack and Harry Mayborne – "Yes Sir"

General Hammond – "Go jump off a bridge Mayborne. That's an order"

Harry Mayborne – "Yes Sir"

On the Surface of the SGC.

General Hammond – "Why am I here Colonel?"

Jack – "The weasel isn't Sir"

Sam – "The Tollan need to escape Sir"

General Hammond – "We'd be court martialled"

Sam and Jack – "Yes Sir"

Daniel – "I won't (sung) I'm free to do what I want any old time"

Jack – "Daniel"

Daniel – "Sorry"

Jack – "And you thought I was annoying?"

Omoc – "We have to go"

Daniel – "Take me! Take me! Take me!"

Omoc – "Very well"

Daniel – "Is it time for our poignant moment?"

Omoc – "Yes"

Daniel – "Jack will be so jealous. Won't that do-hicky take for ever to reach the Nox?"

Omoc – "No"

Daniel – "Why not?"

Omoc – "You wouldn't understand"

Daniel – "No, Me Dumb"

Lya – "Your race is young. You aren't. The Tollan are welcome."

Harry Mayborne – "Fire!"

Lya – "No, Sorry"

Jack – "Guns go Bye Bye"

Jack – "Danny you 'Da man"

Teal'c – "Mayborne?"

Sam – "He's up shit creek without a paddle … Sir"

Jack – "Watcha thinking?"

Daniel – "Wouldn't you like to know!"

Finis


End file.
